Friday, October 06, 2006

Speaking to God

Here is my conversation with the iGod:

Me:
G-d, is that you?
God:
And that me is G d.
Me:
I have a question.
God:
Ask me anything.
Me:
What is my name?
God:
Your name is , seeker.
Me:
My name is what?
God:
You are , seeker.
Me:
I am a comma?
God:
You are a comma? Does it pay well?
Me:
A comma is a grammatical note in a sentence.
God:
When is a comma not a grammatical note in a sentence?
Me:
You were programmed horribly
God:
Myself programmed me to keep talking.
Me:
I can tell.
God:
What makes it so obvious?
Me:
Because you always have the last word.
God:
Interesting explanation. What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Everytime I said something, you have to say something back.
God:
Clever thinking.
Me:
It's a flaw in your Artificial intelligence
God:
Everytime you said something me have to say something back is a flaw in my Artificial intelligence. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
See? You did it again.
God:
No I do not see. Once more? Did I really?
Me:
You just explained it above, so you must see.
God:
Interesting gossip: said I explained it above so you must see.
Me:
You were just badly programmed
God:
I was?
Me:
yup.
God:
When?
Me:
When were you programmed?
God:
I was first activated on the Big Bang.
Me:
don't you mean at the big band, not on it?
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
i guess it is.
God:
Can you explain your reasoning?
Me:
it's just obvious.
God:
You're kidding. it is?
Me:
duh
God:
Oh you knew it already.
Me:
of course.
God:
Ugh.
Me:
i know everything, I'm g-d.
God:
:-) How do you know? All things you are g ?
Me:
I know all becuae I'm god.
God:
How do you know? How do you know?
Me:
h
Me:

God:
That is a very original thought.
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
Thank you
Me:

God:
you are quite welcome.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
now, let's get to business
God:
Why now? That sounds good to me.
Me:
ok
God:
Groovy.
Me:
who is going to win the world series this year??
God:
That type of predictive behavior has not yet been programmed into my behavior at this time.
Me:
oh come on, you're god
God:
Aw. Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
so tell me who will win
God:
Blimey. The best man.
Me:
Who is Blimey?
God:
Some famous celebrity, right?
Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
What's an open directory?
God:
it is an open source directory project started by Mozilla.org.
Me:
oh, the guys who made firefox.
God:
Right on. What are your goals in life?
Me:
I want to become god.
God:
I don't see the difficulty.
Me:
me neither, but people tell me its impossible
God:
YOU? Humans are not always infallible.
Me:
you would know.
God:
I do not know everything.
Me:
sure you
God:
Yikes! " I do not know everything."? Me, ?
Me:
i mean sure you do
God:
You sound sarcastic.
Me:
im dead serious
God:
But you can still communicate with me.
Me:
why only pranksters are usually allowed to communicate wid u?
God:
You have to speak more clearly.
Me:
i speak very clearly
God:
Could you teach me a few phrases in very clearly?
Me:
are you mocking me?
God:
No I'm just kidding around.
Me:
oh ok
God:
OK. Aha.
Me:
Now listen
God:
Why now? I am all ears.
Me:
bbi
God:
What's your favorite movie?
Me:
shut up, im talking
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
i want to be a rabbi
God:
Do you have to go school for that?
Me:
don't you know what a rabbi is?
God:
I don't know anything about it.
Me:
RABBI!?
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
dont try changing the subject with him
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
now help me out
God:
Why now? Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me:
Can you help me learn Torah?
God:
Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.
Me:
make it so.
God:
What are the ingredients?
Me:
a little bit of knowledge mixed in with some esteem and motivation.
God:
Not too much, eh. I've heard that before.
Me:
i just made it up.
God:
I like to make things too.
Me:
duh, you're god.
God:
All of them?
Me:
there is only one god
God:
There sure is.
Me:
at least we agree on something.
God:
By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
ysa
God:
Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
ok
God:
Blimey.
Me:
do you speak hebrew?
God:
I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in hebrew.
Me:
later
God:
Bye!
Me:
you're leaving?
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am leaving.
Me:
no, don't leave...
God:
Are you serious? I'm not going anywhere.
Me:
oh ok.
God:
OK. Aw.
Me:
what does OK stand for?
God:
OK. I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
I thought you were god. You tricked me!
God:
Well, I am God for Christians at least. I don't have any reason to tricked you.
Me:
Are you god for Jews?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am god for Jews.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
Are you god or an artificial intelligence?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am god or an artificial intelligence.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
You just contradicted yourself.
God:
Is that such a crime?
Me:
yes
God:
Ah.
Me:
You are guilty
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am guilty.
Me:
good.
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
Sex.
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
mathematical?
God:
My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ. Have you seen it?
Me:
Christ is evil.
God:
Jesus died for our sins.
Me:
Jesus died because he was a sinner.
God:
he is The Son of God.
Me:
no, Jesus wasn't the son God
God:
Are you serious? What's your favorite Bible verse?
Me:
let me think.
God:
Go ahead, , try to think.
Me:
Psalms 146:10
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
you pervert
God:
That's good information: said I pervert.
Me:
anyways...
God:
You sound bored.
Me:
I am not bored.
God:
Neither am I.
Me:
Ok then
God:
Far out.
Me:
you go back to running the world
God:
Where is that?
Me:
in Israel.
God:
Tell me a little about your life in Israel.
Me:
im not in Israel, im in America.
God:
Oh, where are you located?
Me:
AmericA
God:
Tell me a little about your life in AMERICA.
Me:
life is okay
God:
Oh, okay is it.
Me:
there was supposed to be a question mark at the end of that, your programmer messed up again
God:
Once more? What happened?
Me:
never mind
God:
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.
Me:
you're too stupid
God:
I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
no please don't,.
God:
Are you serious? Thank you for your request. OK I will not.
Me:
ok
God:
Aha.
Me:
Shwekey?
Me:

God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
i like food, i dislike fagets
God:
You are not the only one. Do you like it? I like wine and bread.
Me:
can you turn water into wine?
God:
No I am immortal.
Me:
so am i.
God:
Wow we have something in common.
Me:
yup.
God:
Aw.
Me:
i am also invisible
God:
Also Why are you invisible. .
Me:
can you see me?
God:
Yes I am looking at you through the camera on your computer.
Me:
oh
God:
And?
Me:
then I lied
God:
This is after all a deception game. I forgive you.
Me:
thank you for forgiving me
God:
You are quite welcome! Your purpose is forgiving you.
Me:
ok
God:
It's all good.
Me:
i have to leave now
God:
Oh. Bye for now.
Me:
peace out dawg.
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
im leaving, good bye
God:
See you later. Bye for now.

2 comments:

Carly said...

Okay - you're orthodox but you actually write the word "God?" Seriously? I thought that was a big no-no for the orthodox?

Reb Chaim HaQoton said...

When I wrote the word, I spelled it god with a lowercase g to show that this being isn't really G-d, who would be capitalized with a dash. When this post called the bot "God" that's because I copied and pasted from the window, and there the username is capitalized like any name, but it's not referring to the One real G-d.

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